Grief

Grief.  It's a weird thing.  Everyone deals with it differently and over the past two weeks I have learned so much about myself and Kyle. Losing a loved one is tough there is no doubt, but losing a child is so very hard.  I never imagined in a million years that we would bury our first child. It's heartbreaking on some many levels.  Nighttime is really hard for me and little things/moments will get to Kyle. Thank goodness we have each other. Ups and downs - every day is different. We miss him so badly. At the same time we are at some level of peace knowing that he is not hurting anymore from those nasty seizures. We know he is in no pain and playing in the greatest place ever - Heaven.

It's been exactly one week since we buried our sweet boy and tomorrow will mark two weeks since he went to his forever home.  Time has gone so fast and so slow at the same time. The graveside service and the Celebration of Life at our church were both so beautiful and we cannot thank everyone enough for coming to celebrate our sweet boy's life.  We never turned around to see all of you (which I wish we had), but we were told that there were probably up to 300 people at his celebration.  WOW.  Just thinking about that brings me to tears. He blessed so many people during his short time, and I can only hope he will continue to do so.  Thank you to everyone who came and also those who sent their love if they were unable to make it. We are so very grateful for each and every one of you.

The book that I hope everyone got to sign was given to us by a very special family friend a few weeks before he passed.  When trying to think of something people could sign I knew this would be the perfect book.  We wanted something that we could read to our future children if we are so blessed to have more. We want them to know how loved their big brother was and still is.

I plan to continue this blog for a little bit longer to share our journey learning about Jack's genetic markup. We have the results we just have to meet with a geneticist to figure out what it all means. Kyle and I will be tested to see if we were carriers or if it was just a crazy random awful thing that happened. We pray it was just one of those random things, but either way we will take it and move forward. We still want a family so badly and will take it one day at a time to see what the future will look like for us. 

Jack Evans we selfishly miss you so very much.  We cannot wait for the day we meet you again.