Three Months Gone
Sweet Jack Evans you have been gone from us for three months now. I don't know how the time has gone so fast yet so slow. It's true that the days are long, but the weeks are fast. You are in such a better place, your forever home, but it doesn't take away the pain we continue to fight daily. February 8th will always be the worst day of our lives. We continue to miss, ache and long for you. Your sweet smile and your warm cuddles are now memories and something I can only dream of. I don't ever want to forget and so I write...
I'll be transparent that I am so scared to move forward without him. The months that have passed by make me move forward without him, but it's so scary and hard. I didn't realize just how many daily conversations include children and family in general. Oh how I wish we could be including Jack. We do still talk about him, but it's different and somber. I only have so much I can talk about and relate to - I do it anyway. A friend recently told me that she continues to come to me for advice with her kids because I'm a good mom and very knowledgeable. I hope she knows just how much this small act helped me through my darkest hours.
I wish I had more of an update on genetic testing, but we are still in a waiting pattern of sorts. We have a few decisions to make, but Kyle and I are taking the time to pray about them together. Regardless, I know in my heart that we will have a family someday, but no one could ever replace Jack and that's not our intent. Our future family will be just that, a family that always celebrates and includes Jack. He is absolutely irreplaceable.
On a separate note I will be taking a short leave of absence from social media. Little did I realize until recently that this coming Sunday's holiday would completely overwhelm me. Kyle is right that yes I am still a mother as he is still a father, but the thought of Sunday without physically holding Jack in my arms is heartbreaking, gut wrenching pain. I can't imagine what the actual day will be like. Social media is just one of those things I haven't yet mastered so taking a little time away will hopefully help. And maybe it won't, but I am still working on the process. Inch by inch, we move forward.
I do want y'all to know that I am so proud of all of the ladies (especially my beautiful mama) in my life that are mothers and future mothers. I celebrate you today and everyday for your tireless and selfless sacrifices you all make daily.
With love,
Jack's Mommy
I'll be transparent that I am so scared to move forward without him. The months that have passed by make me move forward without him, but it's so scary and hard. I didn't realize just how many daily conversations include children and family in general. Oh how I wish we could be including Jack. We do still talk about him, but it's different and somber. I only have so much I can talk about and relate to - I do it anyway. A friend recently told me that she continues to come to me for advice with her kids because I'm a good mom and very knowledgeable. I hope she knows just how much this small act helped me through my darkest hours.
I wish I had more of an update on genetic testing, but we are still in a waiting pattern of sorts. We have a few decisions to make, but Kyle and I are taking the time to pray about them together. Regardless, I know in my heart that we will have a family someday, but no one could ever replace Jack and that's not our intent. Our future family will be just that, a family that always celebrates and includes Jack. He is absolutely irreplaceable.
On a separate note I will be taking a short leave of absence from social media. Little did I realize until recently that this coming Sunday's holiday would completely overwhelm me. Kyle is right that yes I am still a mother as he is still a father, but the thought of Sunday without physically holding Jack in my arms is heartbreaking, gut wrenching pain. I can't imagine what the actual day will be like. Social media is just one of those things I haven't yet mastered so taking a little time away will hopefully help. And maybe it won't, but I am still working on the process. Inch by inch, we move forward.
I do want y'all to know that I am so proud of all of the ladies (especially my beautiful mama) in my life that are mothers and future mothers. I celebrate you today and everyday for your tireless and selfless sacrifices you all make daily.
With love,
Jack's Mommy
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